01/10/2026
Been a lot of shadow work going on lately. Asking myself a lot of hard questions. I find the challenge in learning isnβt so much the learning part but the remembering. Old habits are deep within muscle memory. I think Iβm in the transition part of my life where I am trying to accept that people come and go and old friends drift apart and itβs ok. The part where loving myself properly is being ok with old relationships drifting away. I think I just feel like I have very few people in my life that I feel close to as good friends. I think old habits of wanting to be liked in a way hit hard sometimes. I do feel like the hard questions I ask myself put me in a place that is a bit isolating. Taking full responsibility for my own actions and reactions and sorting through the behaviours that are pleasing/ damaging to me protecting my energy and the actions that make me feel energetically aligned is a big challenge. I usually kind of drown myself in projects and this past month and a bit I have not. Something told me I need to know if this defence mechanism is actually helping or hurting me. I think I just need to do it in a clean way. I think Iβm just needing to work through these feelings gently and come at life in a way that is gentle and kind. My heart has longed for something quite big spiritually. To be the kind of person who approaches hard situations ready to react kindly. When buttons are pushed to have my reaction be in kindness instead of judgement or anger or blame. To take that insecurity and turn it into pure love and understanding. Phew thatβs a BIG ask! π Why have I done this to myself! ππ But seriously, the heart wants what it wants. It longs to be stronger, more patient, more kind, more free. And with those heart wishes I know comes a lot of tears and rough seas.. so wish me luck and love as I continue healing and rewiring this old mind and meat suit. If youβre feeling this post, would be cool to chat with like minded humans so this process wasnβt so isolating. So much love to all. Hereβs to learning, unlearning and loving ourselves better than ever before. βπΌπ