10/20/2021
"Don t lose the people, who really like you"
The thing about losing people is, that it hurts a lot. Not the actual act of letting go and moving on is what is hard, but to accept that someone rejects you. Someone, that you thought likes you the way you are and accepts you. Truth is, that unfortunately most people never tell you, what they actually think about you or how your actions make them feel. It is a rare thing and if you find someone that is honest with you, you should value their honest feedback. It is hard to take critique, this is why it is so important to learn how to formulate what is on our mind and how it makes one feel. But if you know how to communicate on the other hand it is also rare to find someone who values that.
In a way people are obsessed with the illusion, that everything is supposed to always be smooth and right. We strive for the perfect state of happiness, but honestly reality looks very dark. If we would put in words how much injustice happens on a daily base, not only would we loose everyone around us, but also it becomes unbearable. Instead we numb ourselves with alcohol or work, an obsession with trying to help people or total isolation from the outside world.
We all carry a story, and it is not true that some of them are more severe than others. It is the problem, that we always consider either our own problems or other peoples problems as more drastic. This is why someone is always using and the opponent is being used. One person blames and talks badly, while the other is misunderstood and tries to solve problems.
I honestly wish I would understand how it all works, so I can avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. I don t like to feel the pain of rejection and it is not understandable to me, why I have to feel all this. To the extend that sometimes I just wished I had not feelings at all. It took me a long time to accept that they are a part of life too. In fact research shows, that 80 percent of our decisions are made based on our feelings.
I am just tired of the constant lies and manipulation, I honestly wish I was able to distinguish the people who only use me from the people that actually really like me. I wish just someone would tell me what they really think. I feel like I am left in the dark and expected to always understand. I can t bear this pressure anymore, I have hopes, dreams and needs too.
Celina Schroeder, October, 2021