08/28/2026
I met Bernice on Monday morning when I let Mrs. Bubbles, our Frenchie, out to go potty at about 4:45.
Thankfully, I saw Bernice before walking face-first into the massive web she'd stretched between the Japanese maple and the rosemary bush. Had I walked into that web with Bernice approximately six inches from my nose, my neighbors would have called 911 to report what they believed was a squealing coyote trapped by the tail in an A/C compressor fan.
Bernice is a spotted orb-weaver.
She's also nocturnal. Spotted orb-weavers build and repair their webs around dusk, spend much of the night sitting in the middle waiting for breakfast to make a poor decision, and then disappear into the vegetation during the day.
Which meant that if I wanted a photograph of Bernice, I had to work her schedule.
So, for the next five mornings, somewhere between 4:30 and 5:00, Mrs. Bubbles went outside to answer nature's call while I followed behind carrying a camera, macro lens and flash equipment, looking like a severely under-caffeinated burglar with very specialized interests.
During the day, Bernice was nowhere to be found. But every morning, there she was.
And every morning, I photographed her.
It took five days of shooting—before I'd consumed the day's medically necessary quantity of caffeine, mind you—to finally get these two photographs.
By Friday, Bernice had apparently accepted that the large, grumpy mammal with the flashing light was not going away.
So she posed.
I got my photographs.
Bernice got her web.
And Mrs. Bubbles still has no idea why going potty became a five-day photography assignment.