05/11/2025
8 years ago, I made the hardest decision a child could ever make: I cut my mother out of my life. I was at a point in my life where I really really needed her but I knew it was time. At the time, it was about survival and so much anger. Walking away felt impossible, but staying meant I would keep destroying myself piece by piece.
Over time, I’ve seen even more clearly. The emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting—all the things I grew up believing were “normal” were anything but. In Latino culture, speaking out against your mother is one of the biggest taboos. “La madre es sagrada”. Society, family, everyone tells you that you owe her loyalty and respect, no matter what she’s done. If you speak up, you’re labeled ungrateful, dramatic, a bad daughter. People don’t want to hear the truth—they want the fantasy of the perfect, selfless mother, even if it’s built on the broken hearts of her children.
We are taught that a mother’s love is the highest, purest form of love. But what about when it’s not? What about when that love is toxic, damaging, or outright abusive? Where is the space for us to grieve that? Too often, society dismisses our pain and sides with the mother, without ever truly listening to the child. That’s a deep betrayal in itself.
One of my biggest struggles has been seeing her in myself. I look a lot like her, and have the same eyes and eyebrows, same smile and for years that haunted me. It felt like no matter how much distance I put between us, I couldn’t escape. But healing has taught me: we can look alike and be completely different. I am soft where she was cruel. I am nurturing where she was cold. I am the mothering I needed. I am breaking the cycle.
Healing isn’t a straight path. Some days, I feel at peace. Other days, the rage sneaks back in—rage for the little girl who deserved love and safety, who was silenced and hurt instead. And there are also those moments of deep ache, wishing for a mother’s love—not hers, but the idea of a loving, safe, nurturing mom. That ache is real too, and I’ve learned it’s okay to feel the pain.
I keep telling my story not because I’m stuck in the past, but because it’s mine to tell. Because children like me deserve to be heard and validated. Because society needs to stop idolizing mothers at the expense of their children’s truth. Not everyone has a good mom. And those of us who didn’t deserve to say that without shame.
Today I celebrate the woman who broke free. I honor the woman who looks like her mother, but has built a life of her own- a life full of empathy, love, peace. A woman who has taken her pain and turned it into power. A woman who is proof that cycles can be broken. A woman who is damn proud of who she is today. Here’s to healing and growth. ❤️‍🩹✨
