07/10/2026
I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer in April of 2024.
It has informed nearly every decision I’ve made since.
I don’t want it to, of course. I want to forget about it. I want to act as if it never happened. Click my heels together and say “there’s no place like home”, and return to the time before. Or something like that.
But life doesn’t work that way, and so I continuously fumble around for the hope and determination that has somehow carried us the last two years.
It’s all so different than you think it will be. Or maybe you’ve never thought about it. I didn’t.
What can my body handle now? How will I feel tomorrow if I do that, eat that? How much do we share with the kids? Do I even want this job, or am I wasting my one wild and precious life? Does Scott know where I keep the birthday banner I put up for every kid? I need to make sure I add that recipe to the book. How many years until they all graduate? I sure do want to see that.
I’m not actively dying. I’m actually doing very well. And still, it’s a constant push and pull of living my life while also being fully prepared for whatever happens. Maybe in some ways we all do this, because we just never know, do we?