08/04/2026
“I met God at the supermarket.
He said, “You alright?”
I said, “Yeah, you?”
He goes, “What’s on your mind?”
I’m just getting some food.
But I think He could tell because I looked kinda sad.
He said, “Go on then, ask.”
I said, “Why are things bad? Like why is it hard? Like sometimes it’s s**t. Sometimes it’s like, oh my God, is this it?”
He goes, “I can tell you that now, but you won’t like the answer.” I said, “Don’t give me riddles, man. I’m not calling you Master.”
He said, “Fair enough. I’ll give it to ya straight. You know in a film? Or story? Or play? The bit when you think it’s all fu**ed, there’s no way the lead can survive; then suddenly… yay! Something good happens and then they’re okay. And they learned something true and new on the way. Well, it’s basically that. You’d be bored without this. You wouldn’t know what the good bit is. Like what? Just a film about someone who’s fine? And then nothing happens? And wow, it’s alright?”
He said, “Trust me, I’ve tried it. Before you were born. When no one was rich and no one was poor. And no one was cold, just happy and warm. And ahhh… it was so s**t. They all went to war. Just to find reasons to feel something more. So now it’s like this: You hit, then you miss. Then hit. And then win. You know… that kinda thing.”
And you could tell by my face I was still kind of pi**ed.
He said, “I tried to tell you, you won’t like the gift.”
I said, “When does it end?”
He said, “Oh, in five minutes.”
I said, “Wait, wait, wait... what? I’ve got so much to give. Just give me more time. I’m sorry. Forgive. My dreams are undreamt. Lost words on my lips. I missed all the sunsets and clichés and s**t. And loving my love. And time with my kids.”
Then He goes, “ ‘Ahhh… Did someone find reason? Look forward to something? Have faith that there’s more meaning?”
I went, “Oh noooo… you got me, ya prick.”
He said, “Here’s your time back. Now f**k off and live.””
- Lucas Jones
