04/23/2025
A little vulnerable post here. I don’t like being vulnerable, but I think it makes us all just a little more real. Right?
I broke down in ugly sobs to my mom on Monday on how maybe I should say goodbye to my business. Not because I don’t love it because I absolutely do. But- I will say that having your feet in two or more camps can feel like a constant state of failure in all of them.
I want to be an excellent mother, but my mind is always on how to make my business succeed. I want to level up, push my limits, do the hard things that provide a better experience and service. Those things come with sacrifice, difficult sacrifice, because you don’t know how you’ll end up on the other side. So many hats to juggle.
I want to be an incredible photographer and be super business savvy, but I feel the constant pull of my family. Make better meals- get those kids healthier. Play board games with one, painting nails with another, learning how to read with more, catching up with spelling for another, and giving endless hugs for the last one. Navigate changing bodies and friendships. Help them form their mind about the world. Find joy in living a Christ centered life and guide them through the challenges they’ll face. Parenting has a lot of hats.
Add church callings, friendships, exercise, cooking, piles of laundry, personal study, and sleeping- it’s a wonder how we all accomplish so much!
So it came down to crying about it, giving myself a second to breathe, (a pity party really), a couple of pep talks, and getting up to a new day.
Just so happened that yesterday was a last minute call to take photographs for a sobbing mom who lost her pre-term baby and how she just wanted professional photos of her beautiful little boy. I’m so grateful I could go. On a day where I felt this weight of “do professional photos even matter to anyone anymore?” I felt a very real sense of- sometimes this is all people have of people they love.
It brought me back to the deep realization of why I do what I do. It’s all about love and all about people.
I just have to remember we do all of this one day, one step at a time.