06/21/2026
Is this the end to Unspoken Visuals?
That’s a big question many are asking. People at the rodeo have seen me with ropes and gates in my hands and not a camera. My social media posting has dwindled back and comments about “no more rodeos?” have been asked. I won’t tell this big story and then hold y’all from the answer till the end, so no. No, unspoken visuals is not done, but it no longer brings me purpose and is changing directions.
Over the last few years I have lost that drive that I once had. The drive and passion that brought me out west. I had no idea what it would be like. I went home several times from Colorado and Wyoming with this feeling of failure. I stopped chasing what I was trying to do. I went through things people wouldn’t even think of doing. Maybe I’ll tell that story someday, but I felt this feeling of not being successful. This feeling of having to look people in the face again that I didn’t want to. Not in a bad way per say, but in a way of “I told you you’d be back..” And that’s exactly what happened. I felt failure, I felt depression, I felt guilt, sorrow, pain, negativity, and I faced several people not just once, but twice, three times, four, five, six times. I cant even remember all the times I packed up and drove home to Wisconsin. And that drive in one go, isn’t the most fun. And the more I came and went back home, unfortunately the more friends I lost, down to maybe a handful.
But when I moved from Wyoming to Montana in 2025, even though now I’m no longer as active and pushing media, I don’t have this feeling of failure. Actually, it’s more of a feeling of success. Something I’ve never felt before. There’s peace inside of me. There’s a sense of calming and not just this feeling of constant survival. Again, another story for another day maybe and by no means does this mean I’ve figure life out. I feel like I’ve just figured out 1% of my life. Like I just graduated high school and am ready to take on the world but have no idea where to start. The emotions and feelings I have with such massive changes in the last year are a lot on their own.
The changes were not and are not easy. I’ve stopped chasing something that once meant the world to me. The one thing I gave up my life for to chase. I risked it all. I tossed away my life time and time again, without ever thinking about what I was doing. I just did. But somewhere along the way the fire inside died down. And eventually that flame that was left, was now only hot coals. No matter what I did, those coals wouldn’t relight into the flame and fire I once had. They burned hot but eventually faded cold. The passion, the joy, the “awe,” the drive, were all gone. As if each piece of hot coal that went cold, was another part of my life and media career that died off, one by one. Like petals on a rose that’ll never reattach.
I had many cold and lonely nights in my car with just my thoughts to figure it out. There were many nights that were absolutely horrible, but there were also many nights that were the most powerful, eye opening nights ever. But those nights didn’t just show me or tell me what I needed, they made me feel what I needed to feel. They were feelings from deep in my heart. Feelings that made me understand the most.
I left home to chase photography yes, but there was a deeper underlying reason I left home and that was to find myself. As cheesy or cliche as that is, it was the truth. I absolutely hated who I was growing up and hate is a strong word, but along the way I found my true self. The person I felt most comfortable being. It just so happened I found out a true gift I had, with my camera always in my hand. As if the beauty I saw through the lens, helped me see the true beauty in the world we live in. It’s just sometimes you may have to look at life a little bit differently. The scenery everywhere I went, the stories told by complete strangers and the lesson learned, helped me find what I was truly looking for; me. The more I found who I was, the less I reached for the camera out. I started living life in the present and not trying to relive the good times from my past. It was time to move on from them and keep the dreams that once were and now are, just memories. Just great memories in your life you can look back on and laugh and smile about. It’s time to move on and make new ones. I wanted to start living the stories instead of only telling them. I’ve often said, “I’ve done so much in my life but have no real story to tell.” Funny thing is, the whole time I was writing others, I was writing mine, day by day. But unfortunately I was too blind to see that.
Until recently.
This is my journey and my story.
And that spark has finally relit inside.
