10/10/2018
Two months ago I almost died.
So i'm sorry but this is going to be long.
If that comes as a shock to you it sure did to me and I realize only my immediate family really knows about it because it was so sudden.
Obviously i'm still alive but recovery, well full recovery, is going to take a while.
I just wanted to post this so non-family and friends understand why I've been absent from events I usually attend and haven't posted much lately. Also why I won't be out and about much soon.
I also needed to write this down because it's taken me this long to fully wrap my head around the fact i may never have seen my son grow up and that is a scary thing to be made real.
Early June I had some back issues that I have had before. Usually they cleared up in a few days at most with some Advil.
This time after a month it was still awful. Luckily my wife (who is fu***ng amazing) made me go to a doctor and luckily my doctor's were great so they had me take some scans.
After 2 months and some scans it went from my doctor seeing something on a my lung and sending me to a specialist to the specialist getting a biopsy done.
The day after he called at 7.30 in the morning and said "Go to the ER now..."
Not a fun call.
At first it seemed not to bad since the hospital docs were kind of debating if i just needed a drain or full surgery.
As it turns out i had some kind of infection on my right lung that had filled with fluid and was pressing on my lung thus my shortness of breath, which i thought was from my back pain.
I was fortunate enough as I'll explain that both my lung specialist and the infectious disease doctor pushed for surgery.
Even as i was being knocked out and wheeled into surgery we thought it was going to be a 2 hour operation and i'd be out in 3-5 days. I made the worst joke in my life even by saying "maybe they'll let me sleep for a day or two after" since i had been having issues sleeping.
Normally they would have just gone in through the ribs to clear it.
Well by the time they got to me it was so bad that they had to actually remove a rib to even get to it.
To somewhat explain how bad it was my anesthesiologist came to see me right before i left the hospital because he could not believe how well i was doing. He said they had issues even keeping me under because the infection was coming out of my mouth :P Yes..that bad.
As almost every doctor and my surgeon said I was looking over a cliff and had i fallen over i may never have gotten back.
It was so bad they kept me in a medically induced coma for 7 days, the last few of which were some of the scariest i've ever had. Up to 3-4 days after i was still having hallucinations from the drugs.
I cannot even imagine how scary it was for Gina and my family.
It took another week before I was off all the IV's, oxygen and able to walk enough so they would let me go.
I came home August 6, but sadly that was not where the problems ended :(
By now my scars are healing and my lung is fully fine. The surgeon even cleared me to drive and do whatever i wanted withing reason.
But sadly due to being laid up for almost 2 weeks i developed a blood clot and nerve damage to my foot.
The blood clot although scary at first is being managed by meds and although not gone should hopefully go away in the next few months.
What is not going away is my foot. When i left the hospital it was like a clump of ice without any feeling. After two months of some of the most intense pain I've ever felt its mostly localized to my big toe and a little area near it. Sadly it's a 24/7 non stop pain now. I can't drive, i can kinda walk but not much and worst of all i have major trouble sleeping.
No I lie, worst of all i can't play with my son or do fun things with my wife. I'm stuck at home sometimes crying in a corner due to it. I can't even imagine how people deal with this that have it in more area then me and for longer. It's been 2 months and i'm almost in need of a shrink.
The bottom line is I'm still fu***ng alive. If all goes well my lingering issues WILL go away, maybe sooner, maybe later.
All i know is wrapping my head around actually dying is going to take a while more. I hug the crap out of my son more often than ever and i tell Gina I love her as much as i can.
I cannot begin to even describe how much Gina has been the most amazing person I've ever known. She has pretty much taken care of Callisster by herself for the 2.5 months before i even got into the hospital (Not to mention take care of a sick husband). Then she had to go back to work so we had insurance to keep my ass alive and still needs to take care of him at night because i'm just not able to. She then still works till midnight some nights because she's the best kind of teacher you'll ever get for your kids.
To say I have an impossible mission ahead of me to thank and repay her for all this is understating it.
But i'm going to try, because I can , because i'm STILL FU***NG ALIVE thanks to her.
I needed to put this down, so I can read this for years to come and realize how lucky I am.
And to tell people to goddamn hug your family , your kids and anyone you care about a little extra sometimes. Because you do not know when your time might come.
