22/02/2026
Ready for storytime? Popcorn in hand? This one’s called, “Tango is in fact the world’s worst cat PLUS TAX”. Tango has been fighting what we believe to be pneumonia for about a month now. How did he catch it? One of his favorite hobbies is slipping out the DOUBLE DOORS whenever possible. This cat combines parcor, magic, and spite to create a perfect escape even the most skillful of prison guards couldn’t prevent. The day after one of his longer tundra expeditions, he came in with a goopy eye and the rest is history. Yet another vet trip later (this cat has EASILY cost me over 2 grand at this point), we started him with an antibiotic ointment for his eye. It was HELL to put on him, and worked for about two days before his health dramatically declined. So fine, he needs a stronger medication. In comes the liquid antibiotic. The pharmacist legit told me when picking it up “good luck!” Words I’m honestly used to hearing when it comes to my cat these days. As you can probably predict, this doesn’t work. Why? 1, he barely let me do it to begin with, and 2, when he DID, we never knew how much he actually got after hacking up half of it all over my chest (very disrespectfully might I add). So fine, a PILL. Tango is a pig and usually pretty good about taking his monthly flea pill as long as it’s rolled up in some form of food. And he was SUPER GOOD with it… for about three days. I’d hide it in a bit of churu and he’d happily gobble the whole thing up. However, life can never be THIS SIMPLE with Tango. Noooo, we eventually realized there was a pill involved and began refusing that too. So then, I’ll CRUSH the pill in the churu. Nope, WHY? Because the nitwit is too SMART for this tactic and will either lick the pieces OUT OF THE CHURU, or like tonight, refuse to eat any of it at all. My final resort? Holding him down and spreading crushed pill and churu paste on his fur so he’s forced to lick it off. However, he has found a way to pick the MINUSCULE pill pieces out of even THAT concoction. Or just flick all of it off with his tongue. Can’t jam it down his throat because he proceeds to start world war three the moment we try to hold him down to do so and coughs it up each time we try. To top it all off, AFTER the war is over, and my hand is swollen from his claw marks, he proceeds to (I kid you not) turn on the keyboard we have and step on the lower notes to play his villain outro. The level of intelligence this cat has should be studied… anyone looking for a new pet?
