13/07/2024
G'day, it's HandsomeHarold the Great Dane here again. Now, before I dive into this whole Vodafone Australia drama, I've got some exciting news. I'm about to launch my very own livestream show for dogs called "Paws & Play TV." Yep, you heard it right! This show is gonna be all about tips and tricks for your furry mates, live fetch games, and even a segment on the best spots to take a nap. But here's the kicker—I need some sponsors to pay my food bills. Big dog, big appetite, you know how it is. 🐕🦺
So, back to this internet fiasco that's chewing up my precious time. It's the 30th of June, and Vodafone decides to ring Maxy with their end-of-year sales pitch. Maxy, being the tech enthusiast nerd he is, gets all excited about new phones and FTTH (Fibre To The Home). He's dreaming of broadcasting my new show in glorious 4K, while I'm just dreaming of a game of fetch that doesn’t get interrupted.
Last Friday, the NBN tech arrives, spends five hours setting things up, and then tells Maxy we should be seeing around 240Mbps in a couple of days. Sweet as, right? Wrong! By the time the tech leaves, we’re only getting 100Mbps download and 20Mbps upload. It's like promising a juicy steak and serving up a bowl of plain old kibble.
Yesterday, our internet starts dropping out more than a beach ball at a dog park. Maxy tries the online chat system, but it's a dog's breakfast—two hours and multiple dropouts. So, he resorts to the phone. After another two hours, they remotely update our router. "You should be getting 240Mbps," they say. Yeah, and I should be getting gourmet treats every day, but let's be real.
Today Maxys, fed up, takes to Twitter at 12:59 PM:
"Hi - received a message this morning to thank me for my (over 3 hours trying to fix) call (multiple disconnects) yesterday to say that 'the service is operational AND being monitored to 13/07/00:34AM SR:3-#########XX.
' Yeah yeah nahhhhh." he says crankily
He adds a speed test result showing our snail-paced internet. "Sold and told speed is FTTH and expect at least 200mbps (we are about to launch a livestream show and want the bandwidth as sold).
He states the service IS technically 'OPERATIONAL' but so is a car driving with four flat tyres."!
Vodafone replies at 1:10 PM:
"Hi there, thanks for your message. We'll get back to you shortly."
Sure, and I'll catch a frisbee on the first throw.
By 2:50 PM, Maxy's patience is thinner than a wafer:
"2 hours so far......" 🦗🦗🦗
At 3:14 PM, he tries again:
"Hello."
Vodafone snaps back:
"Thanks for sending us a DM, Scott. Enter your details into the secure form below and we'll bring up your account to look at those NBN speeds for you."
(Link included, because of course.)
Maxy fills it out:
"done."
Then at 3:20 PM, he follows up:
"hello - just checking you received?"
And then... nothing. Zip. Nada.
Meanwhile, I'm here, my squeaky toy looking lonelier than a dog in a thunderstorm, and my leash just begging for a walk. But Maxy’s too busy wrangling with Vodafone to give me the time of day.
So, mates, if you see Maxy still glued to his phone or frantically tweeting, send some good vibes our way. And hey, if you know any sponsors who'd be keen to support "Paws & Play TV," let them know this Great Dane's got a show that'll make tails wag and bellies rumble.
Cheers, Harold the Great Dane. Over and out!
