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09/25/2015

Coyote Principle or... Why Ontario Is Broke

A little extreme but damned close!

Why Ontario is almost bankrupt!


· The Premier of Ontario is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Premier's dog, then bites the Premier.
· The Premier starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes she should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
· She calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the province $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
· She calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the province $200 testing it for diseases.
· The Premier goes to hospital and OHIP spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting her bite wound bandaged.
· The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while the Ministry of Natural Resources conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
· The Premier spends $50,000 in provincial funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
· The Liberal Party spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
· The Premier's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The Province spends $150,000 to hire and train a new officer with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.
· PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the province

TEXAS
· The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
· The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
· The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why Ontario is broke and Texas is not.

02/25/2015

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