10/10/2022
JAZZERCISE - credit: 📷✍️: NJPG - “Once I bring this poutine up to Jen R, I’ll turn the app off and head home. I’ve had enough today. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I want to eat my mom’s turkey, s***k the monkey and then head to bed,” Shaun thought to himself as he motored along John street past the Umbra store. Little did he know, the turkey had a completely different idea. This giant bird, purchased by Shaun’s mother was not enough of a butterball and was going to make for a horrifically dry and inedible meal. It had been running around too much in the coop, and doing some bird like jazzercise to pass the time. It knew it was going to have its neck slit, but wanted to make the most of it before it’s time was up. In so doing, it’s breasts got firmer, it’s thighs less juicy, and almost developed a 6 pac. The fat that could be felt just under its skin melted away at an alarming pace. This was going to be the driest bird in the land. Mother had no idea that once the turkey was out of the oven, the little juices that it rendered was not enough to make it palatable. Shaun was going to have to this time order himself a meal on Ubereats and to be expedient, deliver it to himself as well. Mother was no longer the chosen one to pick out the turkey for the upcoming Christmas season. Shaun would be and he’d make sure to be on the lookout for the laziest of birds. 🇨🇦