13/04/2024
The details of the hand were magical I could see the light on the book that I was drawing my hand on, and as time wore on I got more and more engrossed I would peak at my hand and continue drawing some more I had never been so satisfied with myself practicing my obvious talent. I was too engrossed to notice the figure that stood right in front of me. I he picked up the book and gave it a look and I was expecting some compliment about the drawing, but no, no compliment, only a stern look and motion for me to get up. The drawing was really good for a form 3 student but the problem was it was not Art class but rather mathematics and the teacher never took it kindly. He was angry but calm he sent me out of the class and followed me closely, I certainly was not going to get away with it, no not while he was my math teacher. He took me to the deputy informed her of my high crime and left me in her office. She looked at me and scolded me for the misdemeanor but it ended there and she let me go. Obviously, I learned my lesson, never draw in a mathematics class; at least if you do don’t get caught.
when I went back to class I knew that I was wrong and I was remorseful. The problem is that I had closed my mind to mathematics not that if I concentrated I would not make something of it I just had an attitude towards it (this I came to learn later). Well, the teacher enquired as to what form of punishment I was given and when I narrated it, a look of disdain fell on his face, he was disappointed that nothing major was done to me. He told me to wait outside and he took me to the headteacher after he observed me being caned and stripped of my tie and position as a prefect he was satisfied. The problem was that for many years I was wounded. It hurt that he only intended for me to feel pain he never intended to correct me he just wanted me to suffer for what I had done. I learned the other day that he had nothing against me, it was just his ego that needed to get its regular fix. I understood as a man now as I had the same experience over and over when it had nothing to do with exploring the truth rather than being the one that won the argument, ego. Yes, ego three letters but wars have been fought and lives have been lost simply because of ego. Maybe someone forgot your title when addressing you, what happens? They lose their Job. Maybe someone cut you off on the highway what happens? You ram into their vehicle. Maybe someone said that your dress was not looking too sharp! what happens? You start a vicious rumor about them, that seriously damages their reputation. Whatever the heart an egotistic response usually brings hurt, disaster, and all forms of pain.
When you are faced with a choice of nursing your ego or showing grace choose the latter. Because of the Pharisee's ego, Jesus found a place between two thieves. God used their ego, yes, but their motivation was never to bring salvation but to nurse their egos by showing this nobody carpenter who calls the shorts amongst the Israelite people. Do you have any bruised ego that you are nursing? I would suggest taking a moment and ponder on what fruits will come out of you getting your way rather than God showing you the way.
put your ego down and lift your hands up, surrendering all to God. He makes all things to work for good.
Back to my Mathematics teacher, my ego is telling me to write down his name but God says let it go even that I will use it for good. I will listen to God’s voice my ego has never served me well.
