07/08/2021
This happens when you travel to a different reality from anything you've know before; to spend enough time in a place that one day you feel you've been there all along. It happened to me today, for inexplicable reasons. At least, from any logic I can try to seek within me. Beirut always felt alien to me. A strange, intense town - too intense for my standards, anyway. Restless. Merciless. I could come over for a little while. And then leave.
And yet, it's been my home, my adoptive home. I'm sure it adopted me, because I never planned to adopt Beirut as my home. It was never meant to last. It was not even meant to be. But Beirut captured me, it kept me here for long enough. I'm its captive, willingly. It has a bizarre, enticing hypnotism. An unspoken magnetism. Here I found beauty, love, shock, ineffable violence and pain. And beauty. And love. Again and again.
Today, for reasons that transcend me, I felt like Beirut has always been within me. It's a strange feeling. I want it to last. I want it to remain. At least until we both heal. Then we can smile and laugh again. And figure things out.