04/07/2025
Despised you a lot of times during the 4 school years.
Disliked the system, the hardship it brought upon the students, and the hours sacrificed for the studentry.
Yet why do memories of you linger in the back of my mind like an obsessed stalker? Why do you continue to plague my thoughts when it gets so silent? Why is it that I miss the same 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 whom I cursed at for every little mishap?
Maybe because the happier days overweighed those loathing memories.
The day I chose to part ways was the day I started feeling homesick. The longing for a deep connection that was once like ours was getting stronger and stronger every waking hour—every time that I am left alone on my seat, using my phone and waiting for the day to end. It was you who taught me how to handle stress, how to face the challenges, and how to be brave when going through problems. I told myself that I'm going to be okay by myself, yet I was wrong.
When was the last time I heard my juniors shout my nickname on the hallways that I was all too familiar with?
When was the last time that my classmates felt excited to see me again after half a day being gone from organization responsibilities?
When was the last time I bonded with the teachers who showed me many things in life?
It all felt distant.
I missed the constant "Jill, paano ‘to?" or "Jill, review-hin mo ‘ko." Sometimes, it was also like "Hi, ate Jill!" or "Ate Jill, nakakastress na."
Maybe I took it for granted.
There were times that I'd feel annoyed with the voices calling out to me.
But now, I think I need it the most.
When will I ever feel the same way again? To be loved by my peers and teachers opened something in my heart that no one else dared to replace. The feeling of four school years passing by in a blur makes my heart ache.
On my first days, it felt like I was living in a dream. Almost in the fourth week, it still feels like one. My chest heavy with emotions, my shoulders carrying a burden I can't comprehend, and my mind weighed by something I can't name. All because of you.
Now, as I navigate the hallways of my new school, I realize something. It flashed in my mind; the classroom that held us in place for years. The classroom that became many things. A place to learn, a garden, a kitchen, a bedroom, and a playground. It saw us. If our classroom was a person, I'd ask: how does it feel to see us grow together?
I know I chose the right thing; to leave and grow.
But I can't help but miss you more.
MISHS, you ruined me for good.
