20/07/2022
Something I read has been bothering me for years.
I read it in a Bukowski book called Post Office.
It goes:
'He faltered again. God o mighty, I thought, doesn't anybody notice but me? I looked around, nobody was concerned. They all professed, at one time or another, to be fond of him---"GG's a good guy." But the "good old guy" was sinking and nobody cared.'
Read it years ago, and as time passes, Bukowski's words bother me more by the year.
Sometimes it bothers me when I think about myself and many of my friends who I've gone the extra mile for time and time again, and how they have left me to fend for myself in some of the most challenging times of my life.
Other times it bothers me to think about how much more we could have been there for my brother when he needed us at our most supportive. He helped way more people than I did in his short life, he cared much deeper. His mannerism was way more real. Men like him don't come around many a stride. In fact, I haven't seen a man like him in my life. Never met another man like my brother. He was a man amongst men! A comrade amongst friends! He liked to have fun as carelessly as deeply he cared for people in need.
All the qualities that men should aspire to have, my brother had them. He was a physical beast, way stronger than me. He was confident as an alpha bull. He mingled with all kinds of folk. He carried himself like a beggar amongst beggars. He didn't respect money or power, he respected comradery, loyalty, will power, not taking yourself serious. He respected people who didn't take themselves too seriously, who could have a laugh at their own expense.
There's so many stories about my brother I want to write down that it overwhelms me. But I will tell the world about my brother, so that anyone who comes in contact with me is touched by him too.
But all these will just be that now, stories.
Please, don't let the "good old guy" in your life sink.