01/28/2021
Yesterday marked Aubry’s 5th birthday. 5 years it’s been since I’ve held her in my arms. 5 years since my body sustained her life. 5 years seems like a lifetime ago while simultaneously feeling like 5 minutes ago. The thing I grapple with most of all is time.
Time keeps ticking by. Peoples lives move on in all different directions while hers doesn’t. She doesn’t get the opportunity to waste time or to take her time. No option to spend it wisely or poorly. She doesn’t even get to learn how to tell time. She’s lucky in a way because time is the cruelest of teachers.
While she may not get to live and experience time here on earth I try to think of what a timeless life in heaven would be like. The angles that hold her and rock her to sleep don’t look at their watch and worry about rushing off to bed themselves. They stay, as long as they’re needed, they stay. Picture that. A bed of angel wings and clouds for pillows. It must be something else, the likes of which we cannot even fathom. But I try... some days it’s the only thing that brings me comfort.
I wonder sometimes about how to honor her with my time. That was a promise I made to her on her birthday 5 years ago. I wonder if I’m living up to that promise. I try. Every opportunity I get to honor her... I try. I think that’s all I can do. She sees it all, the attempts, the failures and probably the occasional successes in doing those little things! I hope it makes her smile, makes her happy and most of all makes her proud.
My photography has changed a lot since COVID but I’m finding different ways to share it still. She is and will always be my inspiration on this journey. Because of that, I try to keep her in mind when I’m shooting all of the time but particularly so on her birthday. Was able to grab a few shots in between making her a cake with the kids and cousins and then devouring said cake 💛 One tradition I hope to continue to keep our kids connected when they have to live worlds away for now.
Not many stars out but the moon sure was. My girl was there. She’s here now. She is with me always 💛
Happy birthday my beautiful baby girl, your Mama and Daddy love you always! 💛
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