05/01/2026
Ok, I got a lot to say here right now so please bear with me. I know it's been a while since I really posted anything ew here and there are reasons. So today, just going to lay out what my struggles were, why I walked away for so long, and why I am back, doing some of the same stuff, not doing some other things and why I am coming back to this. So I'm going to try and keep things in order here as I go through them. Also going to give thanks to many of the folks that either rekindled this, supported me before, and always been there from the word go.
I guess we will start with why I walked away from all of this in the first place. Started with a crash out at an event, can't even remember who it was, but they wanted me to take some pictures and give the pics to them for free to "get my name out there". at this point, my name was already other there for 6 years. And I went off. But also at this point I was tired, very tired. I been pulling 120 hour work weeks between My day job and this so I literally was sleep deprived on top of everything so keeping my emotions in check was getting increasingly difficult. I lost who I was somewhere in that time as well. this wasn't a passion anymore, it was just another job, one where I wasn't getting compensated for very much and I was at my wits end. Now I am not saying the crash out was justified, but could have been handled much better than I did.
I think that aforementioned day brought a ton of emotions and feeling to the fore. I wasn't me anymore, I was just going through the motions, and I was frustrated with the results of my work at that time. I really wanted to go to CCBC and take the photography course there, but the day job wouldn't allow it. I was getting done about an hour after the course was over on the light days, heavy days 2-3 hours after it was over. The job I had just had a starting time, and you were done when you are done, and there was no leaving early from running a route. And there are the end of everything at that time I was burned out, literally burnt to a crisp and then some. I was literally mad enough to spike my camera off the pavement and just walk away from it forever.
However, I didn't do that, I just put the camera away that day and literally didn't touch it for over a year. I didn't want to see it, touch it, hold it, or use it. In an odd way I kept it to remind me of my "failure". There were times I wanted to take it and do something, and I did use it to make videos for YouTube, but not photography other than the thumbnails for the videos. But for photography, after the initial blow up and frustration, I started going through the "I am not good enough", "I can't do that better than so and so", or "I just can't compete". That went on for quite a few years. My blow up came right before Covid, it's now almost halfway through 2026 and I'm finally feeling good about picking up my camera and creating again.
Another struggle I had was my eyesight. When I started I only had single vison glasses so I go still do regular work with focusing manually got get the shot I wanted. I went from those to blended bifocals and that totally threw me off with that. I'll be honest here, for the last 2-3 years I took pictures before my break down, I was using auto focus because with the bifocals I just couldn't get a clear vision of what I was shooting at. That was a constant source of frustration too, and understandably so. I still use the autofocus, but I learned that using that isn't the end of the world, just have to readjust what I am shooting.
One thing I decided is in some areas, I decided to back out because the places I was shooting at all have better photographers now, and I think that is great. So I am just not going to compete with them. Even if I just did outside candid shots, I have never been good at them, so instead of banging my head against that wall, moving from that I think will be the best course of action.
So what exactly will I be doing then? This was a little difficult for me, but I still came up with some things I think are interesting and can possibly get me back to someplace I am comfortable. I have always had a fascination with ruins that I have found in the woods along with industrial artifacts. Antique tractor shows and pulls are still in there, as well as drag races. I am also going to venture out and get some nature landscapes and waterfalls. I think that would be a good start. Anything else is a case by case basis and I will cross that bridge when I get to it. At this time though, I am feeling optimistic and excited about it again. Baby steps, right? LOL
There are so many people that I either want to thank, express gratitude to, or just happy they are a friend and supported when they could. First and foremost I want to thanks my wonderful girlfriend Staci Coryea and my dearly departed best friend Dee Savage. You two had more faith in me that I had in myself and I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. It means more to me than you will ever know. Roam Photos you tried to kick me in the right direction, even if at that time I was starting to get burnt out, and I proud of what you created and how far you have gone, keep kickin it. The Schinder family, the whole family, for taking me in as one of your own, it was always wonderful to see all of you, the support you gave, and some of the opportunities all of you have afforded me, I will always be grateful for that. Tana Lyons, you and your mother always found a way to make me smile and feel good about what I was doing even if I was burnt out. I just hope I brought you some happiness in return. Lindsay August Milligan and Harley Ames-Marshall, you two for always giving me ideas and staying positive, even when I wasn't. Dee Kuzenko would be proud of both of you. Rose Liberty and Cindy Scott, for being true friends, even if I did get rough around the edges at times. And to anyone else who I missed, your support, push and friendship is just as important.
So in closing, I will be posting here, I don't know what I am going to do with the stuff I already have on here. I might leave it, or I might start fresh. But I do know I will be making changes. New logo, new motto possibly, new attitude. Pull those belts tight cause this ride has just begun.
