11/09/2023
Five days ago a piece of my heart was taken from me. As some of you know, we were expecting our second child, another daughter. It almost felt unreal, that's how happy and excited we were, excited but terrified. Similar to my pregnancy with Alice, we went through ivf and as much as that journey is a rollercoaster from hell, it worked. The day after my Nana passed away, with heavy but hopeful hearts we transferred our perfect little embryo. I knew immediately it was going to work because I felt this sense of unconditional love and protection from my nana's spirit. After getting a positive test, and hearing her heartbeat, every week thereafter I felt more safe. I started to show, we named her, made plans for her room. I was sick, exhausted, but absolutely elated to complete our family and watch Alice become a big sister. Her due date was May 16th. At 12 weeks to the day it was all flipped. 12 weeks. I didn't think it was real, I still don't. She's gone and it's the worst pain. There's a sense of guilt, regret, and emptiness that comes with miscarriage. I know it's very common, but as often as you hear it happening there isn't a single part of you that gets it until it happens to you. And even then, your loss is unique and no one can possibly feel your exact pain. I'm writing all of this let you know that if you've been here, you're not alone. May 16 is going to be a very hard day. Every day until then will be. And after. None of these words feel like I'm doing her any justice. I believe that those who love us never really leave us, and I find comfort in that. I'm so thankful for my sweet husband, Tim, daughter, Alice, family and friends. The comfort we have felt from everyone goes beyond words ❤️
