06/03/2023
If you've been wondering why I've been so quiet+not really doing sessions: this post from my modeling page explains everything. I'm still trying to figure out how to be creative and do what I love with a body that can't do much. But, I'm not giving up.
I've been very quiet, radio silent even. And for that I apologize. So, let me catch everyone up a bit.
A little over a year ago, I got an intestinal infection that completely threw my body outta whack. Little did I know just HOW messed up it would make me...
I got down to 78lbs.
I was having daily/hours apart seizures.
I couldn't even sit up without my heart rate going to 130+BPM
I developed another (rare) heart condition that may land me a pacemaker further down the road.
I couldn't care for myself.
I felt my heart flutter and weaken to a point I was sure it would quit on me.
Eating was so impossible it was like none of my digestive medicine was working at all.
For the first time in the history of my "screw logic I'm gonna push through", my doctors were scared. Scared I really wouldn't make it. My cardiologist, my EDS doctor, and my gastroenterologist all swore I was one step behind having a machine live for me (and were even planning the necessary steps to arrange that).
So I did the only thing I could think to do: I stopped. I stopped modeling, I held off any sessions for my photography (which hurt my soul), and I just took one big creative hiatus. I switched to a meal plan that'd keep someone 4 times my size sustained, and I rested more than I've ever rested.
Somehow, against literally all odds, I made it (my neurologist still isn't quite sure HOW, but hey).
But, it felt like someone had clipped my wings, and left a mess of feathers in their wake. I lost motor function, strength, cognition, and so much more. I felt like I'd lost an integral part of me; like I wasn't ME anymore because I couldn't do things.
That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm still me; I'm still an artist, a creative, a human.
I'm still learning how to navigate with a body that can't do things, and I wish I could tell y'all I'm gonna bounce back in a jiffy like I used to. But, I'd be lying if I did that. It's a very, very slow process; and I'm just grateful I didn't lose this fight. π
Love, sparkles, and everything spooky:
-Aly π
Self portrait/photo by Aly Issabelle Photography