SoberRun.Com, PO Box 411, Columbia, CA (2026)

08/12/2023

Saturday August 12th 2023

Disappointment

Yesterday I drove round trip to Phoenix for a total of 300 mi. I went down there to see a pain specialist. He had a great reputation for doing a particular procedure that might turn off the pain in my chest.

He didn't really believe that it would work.

We discussed different non narcotic drugs. None of them seem to fit.

In the last few months I've noticed that if I'm paying attention to the needs of other people there's a significant reduction in pain. How about that.

In the personal story acceptance is the answer Dr Paul has another valuable answer."whatever we focus on increases"

If I'm focused on the pain the pain seems to increase. If I'm focused on what I can bring to the table the pain decreases.

As I'm writing this I checked in with the pain yep it's decreased.

Just for today: I will focus on the needs of other people as much as possible.

08/11/2023

Friday August 11th 2023

Letting go

The last few months it feels or appears that my spiritual lessons keep coming back to back.

I still resist turning my will and my life over to the power when I'm tired. At the same time that looks like insanity to me.

Just for today: I will ask the power for the courage, strength and guidance of his will for me.

08/10/2023

Thursday August 10th 2023

Guidance from the power

In my first year of sobriety I was married and had three children.

I met her at our local fellowship Hall and I was sure that the connection we had was inspired by the power.

At 14 months I left my wife and three children in favor of this tall and younger woman.

We would remain together for two years and then I would suffer my self imposed crisis.

I would experience the most profound pain I had ever walked through in my life.

Today I ask for direction from the power. And then I share it with someone I respect and ask for their feedback.

My most recent inspiration was to ask the power for the courage and faith to recognize and embrace the truth about myself.

I checked it with my sponsor. I got his approval.

Just for today: I will continue to seek the guidance of the power and check my inspirations with someone I trust.

08/09/2023

Wednesday August 9th 2023
.. That God could and would if He were sought.

I find it pretty easy to seek direction from the power when I'm uncomfortable.

The real challenge is to remain surrendered and to do the daily disciplines when things are good.

It's been a habit of years to climb back in the driver's seat after the Storm.

This morning I find I had a good night's sleep and my first impulse is to turn on the TV.

First thought wrong.

Just for today: I will read or listen to something spiritual upon Awakening.

08/06/2023

Sunday August 6th 2023

Old ideas

As I entered recovery I embraced the idea that if I simply avoided that addictive substance my life would straighten out.

On my 40th birthday I was 11 months sober and I was miserable. I heard myself say that I don't know how to remain sober and feel comfortable.

That was the first real time that I began to dabble with the truth.

I felt better after the initial admission.

Just for today: I will examine my life for those things I find objectionable and then tell on it.

08/05/2023

Saturday August 5th 2023

Self-reliance

Even after what I've been through these last few months I have observed that the strongest muscle in my personality has re-emerged.

My greatest challenge is to remain on my knees and seeking the guidance of a higher power.

Seeking guidance is pretty easy when I'm in the midst of a self-imposed crisis.

Just for today: I will recommit to the guidance of my higher power.

08/04/2023

Friday August 4th 2023

Our constant thought of others....

The first few times I read that in our literature I thought "well that seems a little excessive" and "what about me?"

I didn't put the principal to work in my life until I was in my third year of recovery. It was during a period of the most profound pain I had felt in my life.

I had a moment of clarity. I observed that the more I thought about her the worse I felt.

I didn't know how to stop thinking about her so I shifted my focus to someone else.

I started paying attention to a new man in the program. It took real discipline for me to think of his needs. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I caught myself thinking of what I would say next. I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut.

I would always feel a little bit better after one of our talks.

Just for today: I will make an effort to focus on the needs of others.

08/03/2023

Thursday August 3rd 2023

The insanity of my behavior

I came in and out of 12 step meetings during my 30s. I could get a few days or a week or maybe even 3 weeks.

Overtime the memory of my consequences would fade. I would begin to experience feelings of restless, irritable and discontent.

The conscious choice to drink again, albeate differently, would happened again.

This is an example of the type of insanity I'm capable of even when I'm not under the influence.

It's been 32 years since I last drank but that same insanity still comes up for review. If I act on it the feelings of restless irritable and discontent will revisit me.

And for me that is insanity.

Just for today: I will ask the power for direction and then I will sit quietly and wait for the nudge.

08/02/2023

Wednesday August 2nd 2023

Letting go

A new approach to life began a little more than 32 years ago for me.

In my last two years of addiction I went to jail seven times. It got progressively worse until my last arrest when I was charged with a violent felony. This had serious consequences.

I was beginning to sense that I needed to make a radical change. I began by coming up with new ideas about how to drink.

All were ultimately unsuccessful.

As I came to the 12-step program I wasn't really interested in not drinking and had serious doubts that I could put together 30 days in a row.

In hindsight I can see that some power greater than myself was getting involved in my life.

Today I can see that the idea of letting go still is active in my life. For this I'm grateful.

I must be willing to let go of old ideas that no longer serve me.

Just for today: surrender is a reoccurring theme in my life.

07/31/2023

Sunday July 30th 2023

The insanity of long-term pain pills.

Even though they were doctor-prescribed that first pill did something to me.

It allowed me to slip back into the driver's seat. Over the next few months making conscious contact with the power became less and less important to me. Then I started questioning the judgment of my doctor and other people that I used to hold in high regard.

I almost got to the point of self-medicating before I ask the power to take the wheel.

Just for today: whenever I'm disturbed with someone else, no matter what the cause, I will discuss it with someone else.

My newest AA hero.
Sandy B.
"Let go and let God"

06/12/2019

June 12th, 2019
A vision of Hope

After that last Felony I couldn't imagine a life with or without alcohol.I made every effort to drink differently. I came into recovery "Hoping to find a substitute for my drug of choice. I found it. She was six feet tall, eight years younger and just gorgeous.

Two years later, after the end of that relationship, I found myself "hoping" that I wouldn't lose my mind. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Out of desperation I took some action, the 4th step gave me something new to focus on. As I examined my fears, I began to recognize that self reliance had failed me.It was time for a radical change. I began to "suspect" that there might be a better way. I was finely .open to the idea that maybe it wasn't necessary for me to understand "this power" that I was beginning to turn my life over to.I started talking to the air and asking this power to "Please help me".

I anticipated instant relief. It didn't happen. I did, however , finish a searching and fearless moral inventory. It was by far the most honest I had ever been in my life. I came through the pain and began to be more honest in my daily affairs.

Years later, as I look back on the most painful period in my life, I can see how necessary it was to experience that profound pain. It was the only way I could begin to remove enough "self" from the equation to make room for the "power" .

It wasn't until I was 25 years sober, at a men's retreat, that I finally was able to "be alone at perfect peace" pg 75. This came as the result of a new 5th step (action) with a Catholic Priest and the hope that "if I do it differently it will turn out differently."

Just for today: " I will remember that I am a beacon to all who follow in my path, a vision of hope."

06/10/2019

Monday June 10th 2019 Motives

My reasons for remaining in recovery have evolved over the last 28 years.

In the beginning I was preoccupied with getting your love and approval. The only reason I would read the literature or attend a step study meeting was so that I could sound good when I spoke. My life was a rehearsal. I heard very little of what was said because I was stuck in my own head thinking about what I'd say if I were called on.

There was no significant change in me until I was in the grip of pain and in fear of losing my mind at 3 years. Then my motive became pain relief. I started sincerely asking "the power" to help me. Nothing changed until I took some action with steps 4 and 5.

To this day I find myself deep in "rehearsal mode" from time to time. What's different? I'm far more likely to tell on it.

I am energized by the truth. "We admitted.........".

I don't really remember when it started to happen but today I'm genuinely concerned with others. I know from experience that working with the new guy is where the juice is.

Meditation for today “When we finally get our own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace that we never imagined possible.”

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