09/07/2024
I stood in the shower for 45 min yesterday sobbing.
Grateful, exhausted, broken, feeling every bit of fresh pain and exhaustion yet being present in that glorious refreshing moment of my first shower in 8 days.
I really feel I’m returning home a different man.
Similar to my jail experience something happened to me this past week amidst the struggle.
A refinement. A strength.
My hope is growth toward God. ❤️ 🙏
I can’t walk to the kitchen here in the room without getting nauseous and having to sit on the couch but wait there’s a couch in the room? What a place.
I have to take this breakfast search in phases with rest stops even though we’re only halfway down the first floor. It’s really sad how thin my legs are.
Last week I was in 5 separate ER’s before signing out of Trinity against Dr’s orders to drive to Southfield. Down to 111 lbs at check in here.
They held me overnight and I had the Gastric Stimulator placed Weds AM around 8 AM. Woke up around noon and the fight was on. Nausea, pain from 5 incisions and weakness made it so much more difficult. The fact that dispite the difficulty only 48 hours later I am discharged. My stay broke me and I have wept multiple times in the last 2 days.
I am not the same man who checked into Ascension Hospital. Just like in jail, something, some sort of heart change took placed and was tangibly felt.
I am beyond grateful for how my God molds me in the fire.
Refines me in the heat of the struggle. I may not like it but I cannot shake that fact.
Life is suffering and life is counseling. How well am I?
I was able to distract myself in the hospital by making small talk with all the nurses. Bringing some West Michigan love to a rougher East side crowd. So receptive for hope though. I have given away 10 of my book “Gift Of Desperation” after sharing some of my life story with them. Always humbled at how God works!!
One of my nurses couldn’t believe we have 3 acres and a private yard!!! Wanted to visit and was the sweetest thing. I told her my email address is in the book and we have an open door policy. She cried. “Oh Mr. Ben!!”
We shall see.
Many of my doctors have never heard of the procedure I had done. Super unknown and new I believe.
I’ll do my best here to explain, although it’s new so me as well,
Medtronic Enterra 2 is what was implanted.
https://www.medtronic.com/in-en/patients/treatments-therapies/neurostimulator-gastroparesis/enterra-2-neurostimulator.html
Under my lower left abdomen. There are 5 incisions. The power is always turned on and battery lasts 5-10 years. I follow up in 2 weeks. The first 6 months I will travel back to Southfield for power increase increments as needed. Until we find an ideal power level. This will define battery life as well.
I follow up in 2 weeks with Dr. K.
Many nurses helping me had never heard of the surgery so entering into some very uncharted waters.
I am very hopeful.
So it is never turned off and I can’t do anything without the Doctor.
Talk about powerlessness?!!!?
This should be interesting. Like a 2 lead taser connected to my stomach with a 10 year battery back stuck in the On position 😂
Medtronic had 2 reps that sat in on surgery and say they have no West Michigan “ins” which really shocked me.
Maybe something God will help me advocate for if I find success!!! I joked moments before surgery with him about a sales contract. Hahaha
We have stayed at a very comfortable hotel last night and tonight and I can’t wait to return home and see Max.
I miss him dearly.
I have been eating literally non stop for the last 24 hours.
(2 lunchables, 4 slices of pizza, scrambled eggs, toast, cereal, saltines. Water, powerades, coffee
No Monster Energy Drinks in over a week.
It really in strange.
Absorbing every bite.
Present in every breath.
So grateful!!!!!!!
🙏
If you have made it to the end of this update novel congratulations!!
Leave a comment so I can say a prayer of thanks for you being in my life. It truly means a lot 🙂
The best is yet to come!!!!
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Ben was back in the ER again today. He was so weak that it took two people to get hi… Marva Lubben needs your support for Donate for Ben's Health and Recovery
