https://jayzakh.mypixieset.com/

Jayzakh Photography, Hayward, CA (2026)

01/31/2022

This torrential rain has been pouring at non stop frequently that I don't remember how the sun feels like on my skin. They always say the sun will return during the stormy days but should I embrace the gloomy skies as if it was my own version of the sun? I'll grasp it as my own reality for I cannot wait for another sunny day to become who I dream of at night. Even if the weather becomes a fate that forces me to halt I'll fight through it. If it is foggy I'll run through it without knowing if my next step will be a fall into another path that I never knew I needed. If I slip while it rains, I'll get up as the drops from the sky cloud my eyesight. I'll walk through the blizzard until my toes fall off. I'll brace the storm even if everything I've built is blown away far away from me. I'll walk my path even if the hazards are there to halt me for coming at a stand still is even worse than that. I will risk everything I have just to step into my dreams where the unknown is the main narrative where every step is unknown and any smile could lead to my downfall. I feel alive in this dream of mine I can't predict. My foundation is as fickle as the a sheet between two mountain tops yet why do I feel like this is the most happiest I've been instead of the cycle that guarantees safe haven yet a slow March to my death of achieving nothing even close to my goals. Maybe it is the wrong choice in the eyes of many yet this feels the only way to fuel my will to live a life that feeds my soul that's been craving this chaos. Until then I work towards it in the shadows where others cannot tell if I'm a sitting monk or in relentless pursuit of that string of happiness that has captured my eyes. Now I understand when they say it's either do or die. Because not doing it feels like I'll die like all those years I've wandered lost around souls that knew what they desired

Model: .k.y.thurbs

12/10/2021

Strings pull me in directions I've never even dreamed of. Should I succumb to this fantasy land that you promise me or does this only lead to a life that chains me underneath the sky where I cannot reach. This touch of yours feel like something my body yearns for yet my eyesight watches the horizon which call me to make that journey without you. The hesitation in each step towards you have take a turn for the worse to where even my shadow refuses to merge into you . You are the right person but you aren't the one, you cannot shoulder every whim that will come from me. To avoid crushing the light in your eyes completely from dreams of us, I'll blow the candle you so graciously offered to me. You try to reignite it over and over hoping that I'll keep it burning as much as you do. Unapologetically, I've sacrificed many things , people and even my old self in which I loved. The day that I will sacrifice even you to use you as a stepping stone needs to never come true so I'll leave you within reach but without warmth that you desperately desire. Your words reinforce that you won't need it but your eyes glow like mine when I get one step closer to what's calling me. Fill the space that I've created and accept someone else that can give you everything you deserve, anything you ask for. I unreserve this home you made for me so you don't have false hope that I'll be returning to something I once knew so well that I've never even thought about leaving it once. The space I have within me cannot be filled by your love or anyone else's. It can be filled by walking towards the string that's been tugging me as long as I could remember. That never broke even if I had temporary strings attach themselves to me in a rapidly changing state. I've ignored it enough to where I thought even this string of yours would be enough. I'll dissappear in the fog never to return

Model :

10/21/2021

Dozens of memories of you to sort through for the night . As I contemplate to find the right one to play, I suddenly halt in my own shadow. This version of you doesn't exist as it did once more and with my hands clenched as it held the secret to the world, I refused to let you go in hope that the you I dream of can be reincarnated again. Rain drops fall in sequence of a lullaby that keeps my thoughts in the rythem that plays the tune of our favorite song. Is it time to bury these stubborn memories of you into a time capsule that one day I would possibly forget about. Your face has become so hazy to the point I can't remember even your face. It feels as though you are slipping through my conscious like the sand disperses into the ocean into countless fragments never to be whole again. Your voice has drowned in the asphalt as it the storm pours all over ripping its grip from itself. The reminiscent episodes I had of you have become terribly too far in between that I have to focus to even feel your words graze my ear. This time, I'll let you go . Back into nothingness, swallowed by the sounds of the world and by the footsteps of the new people that walk into my life. Perhaps we were only meant to walk only a few blocks together before we ultimately departed to our destination that didn't include one another. Is it selfish that I don't even pray to meet you again in this life or the next? Once upon a time we promised to stay entwined until death would pull us apart without our consent. Words exchanged are only true for that moment in time with a fast approaching expiration that not one us could ever predict. The fog will be all that remains of the essence that you left. Yet the winds forces your fog far away from me to disperse such as the sand in the ocean. Fragmented and lost into the blue imbued with rotting colors that were once vibrant

Model:

09/03/2021

Flowers were the things that would make you smile indiscriminately whenever you got them from me. Yet it became apparent that which each bloom that was sent to you could not compete with the withering flower you've had left for me. Unable to lock eyes with you for more than a second , you danced around as if it was nothing to worry about, as if it was just a winter season that we were going through. I accepted that and kept the last bud warm in hopes spring would come in rejuvenate us once more like it did many times before. The cold turned into rain then to snow covering everything I've planted for you through the years. Just a quick smile from you in the snow kept me warm with hope, thinking that we won't falter like others before us. I was stubborn in believing that one day we could hold hands like we used to. Spring never came for us but it did come for you. You sought to water what you needed and that came with the cost of us. These flowers I still have to plant won't be for you but for me, I'll grow my own garden free from the need to be accepted by anyone. Snow isn't really a bad thing now i think of it. It killed anything I didn't need and left it in the past where it truly was meant to be. Now I've found my footing to give these flowers to my dreams that had waited too long, unkempt in lieu of love that was temporary. Disintegrate into my memories where you will reside deep inside until something insignificant reminds me of you. But that time it'll only be a faint smile that flashes on my face as I proceed to walk this path I've made for myself with my head held high

Model: Inertia

07/26/2021

The life of mine that intertwined with yours for just a brief respite as if you were a walking lesson for me to absorb. I've thought that the leaves would turn into the crimson red while you were still here yet sometimes we aren't that lucky. I've only seen the bloom but I don't know our ending and never will. At times I like to draw on the clouds of what we would be doing at this very moment like a book that has hours of planning and endless drafts just to never be released into the world. Maybe it's the book with thousands of blank pages which are better left in that state. Perhaps we were headed into disaster and life tore me away before the dip that would have swallowed our souls from the storm we would have created in each other's wake. If time were to turn back , would I take your hand again even if the ending was pre-written in my memories? I would, not because I would do anything different to change the outcome to this empty story of ours but to relive the brief moment I was able to hold you. But that you pulled me back in such a way that once you released me I was able to fly higher than I ever have. So as you dissappear into the crowd of people that time slowly drowns in my memories, I don't reach out to hold you or even call out for you to return to me. I let out a feint smile so as you see me for the last time you can see that I'm sending you off the way I embraced you when I first met you. You may think I have been waiting for you all this time but these dreams of mine call me ever so fiercely. I know I must follow it alone without the weight of you holding me . When the first leaves fall, it'll remind you of us. For just a moment we were falling closely as we could but our landing are miles apart , world's apart but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather have you live in my past for you cannot touch present me in the slightest

Model:

06/13/2021

Remember those starry nights in the middle of nowhere as we claimed the stars as if there was no one left in this world besides us. Looking as far as we could physically see as the night's silence was a lullaby for our souls to collide passionately as if it were our last moment in this world. I still see the same stars I did when you were right here in my grasp. Is it selfish of me to wish for the things you wished for as I save some of this good will for you. Half of me wants to fall in back to your hold , doing every miniscule errand together regardless of if it would be tedious to me, lost forever in the bliss that you created of me even if it was temporarily. Yet half of me remembers the scars you've dug yourself into me, piercing every so slowly and as you wished like I was but a toy to you to take out your frustrations on , to feel something other than your own sense of pain. I'm torn yet I feel this burning anger to take myself far away from you as possible to even close the chance of you reappearing back into my world , pulling me into your own twisted game that you refuse to admit you play. You've thought of yourself as the greatest gift to me, as if I was not worthy of anyone else's love. Looking down on me for the kindness and effort I showed you. This stops me in my tracks and retracts all my wishes I want to make for you. As I know even though you might be my heavenly abode, that you might really be the nightmare I've tried to never find myself in. The smiles of yours hides the darkness that seeps from your own pain, so dark that you will envelop me for eternity forever barring my escape into a better life. I let you go even if my heart screams for you day and night as if you were the only reason it beats. As the magic you've brought slowly disappears, my heart forgets you little by little, day by day until I have forgotten your existence

Model:

02/27/2021

This cold steel in the midst of this storm is all I could feel. Its as though I have sold a portion of my soul to resist any human temptations. Is it foul to be this way at the cost of the inflation I create beneath my feet. Farther into the sky where no one can touch me. Fly as I would wish yet to stay in this solitude of snow is where I belong as of now. I cannot flow with the basic needs of many anymore for my heart has halted deep within myself unable to relinquish that smile that I've once received from the simplest joys of companionship. A Lyle plays ever so softly calling my name into a new world I know nothing of. The few that remained have finally let their intentions known to me. They can see me off at the border they call home in regret that they will never join me in this invention of mine. To throw away everything I know in exchange for a life that is not guaranteed to surpass the one I have now. Is this my hunger wrong, to keep looking to be satisfied, to move through people as if they were snowflakes never to be seen again in the snowy lands that create undistinguished heaps of people that is content with merely existing until they are called back into the earth once again. I can't accept this mirror that looks at me every single day as a routine of normalcy. I want havoc in my life , void of any structure. Days that even I cannot plan for. A life that is full of question marks but never any answers. To be intrigued by mystery instead of prepared of what's to be. I want to speak with the unknown characters that have yet to show up in my life, to pass through faces of foes and friends alike , to create new bonds that might last a fleeting moment. My mind makes me wander as if it was a being all on its own , confusing my instinct into actually following in what doesn't make sense but feels like it is the correct way of my unknown

Model:

02/10/2021

Winter fell into me as if I was the bare tree that desired it for the draining months that dried my roots into mere fossils that once bore the blooms that millions yearned to see. A glimpse of sunlight was even too big of a burden for me to open my eyes to as I feared that what awaited at the end of the light was a reality where I could not comprehend your memories. So I squeezed them as hard as I could to shield myself from the truth I've battled to avoid. I've dreaded even the most meaningless task in the thought that it would create a rush of unwanted feelings I've since disassociated from. I escape back into the world that I knew full of neon lights where even a complete conversation could not be heard in the background of the bustling city teeming with events that I was able to bury myself into. Even the flicker of the street light relays a message that I dont seem to accept as I lay in this bed at 2am motionless yet unable to pass into a dream state that always shows me a storybook ending that I think is possible for even me. Why do I feel like I am not a main protagonist in my own story, as if I'm encased in a ready stance waiting for the green light to finally turn to bring me into the life that is meant for me. Each day my soul relives this cycle of my days , it feels like its draining as the trees life in the dead of fall. Despite all that gravitates towards my mind. I still feel like that moment is coming yet I dont know when it will arrive or even worse will I not be ready to spread these dreams of mine to capture in with my own two hands like a butterfly that passes for just a moment in time before it vanishes into the wind where a million before it has. I dont want to stare at those who live in their dreams , I want to dream with them, meeting the ones that have been set on the future path that I am attempting to stay on

Model:

01/06/2021

Does reaching the pinnacle mean anything when you sacrifice everything you had in order to accomplish it. I traded in time that was granted to me with everyone that was close to me. Eventually creating a barrier which no one could cross unscathed. Even this soul of mine refuses to walk back to medocricity , to a familiar world I worked so hard to break in order to be someone I can be proud of. I am cheered in this sea of faceless crowds chanting their adoration for me as if I'm the brightest star in their world. But what happens in a hundred years from now long after I am gone and even the people who sing praises of me. To reach this success isn't enough for me. I'm reaching for immortality. To always be remembered by generations to come. My biggest fear is to be forgotten and swept in the void along with every other departed that came before me. I feel selfish to even think that I could be remembered in a way where the ones that cemented their legacy provided humanity with way more than I ever have. How do I cement myself to be future proof. To make a difference in people's lives long after in gone. This struggle I cannot cope with as it tears me in every direction. Fulfillment is when others are brought joy by my creation. But this is just a temporary platform drowned by countless voices that matter as much as I do. Can I break through to create a niche that will keep my influence of joy in the memories of the people that come with my offspring. Being a forgotten relic is worse than death. Its like to never have existed beyond who knows me. If this is what my life is right now. I'll work day and night to change the destiny given to me. To break through the chains of normalcy. To create a lasting legacy that will guide others as the wise has guided me in the past. For my goal is complex as the roots of the oldest tree for it is made of many dreams

Model:

07/07/2020

Tied up as if I had nothing left to say, my throat got a little tighter. The right words was always there to say to you in that driftless night when we split on our path. Yet I didn't tell you, perhaps when I peered deep into your eyes , I didnt see me anymore in it. Why would I sprout my heart when it would just be incinerated with the wall you've built between us. Even as I graze your hand gently it feels as if I'm touching glaciers that will always be frozen in time. I sense no warm, no solace in your body...well at least for me. It even feels wrong to be standing in the same space as you like I've been a foreign object you must extinguish as soon as possible from your life so you can heal. Do my tears speak enough for you or are they another liquid that is uncomfortable you to witness as if this pathetic attempt to put this broken puzzle disgusts you to no extent. I try to put all the pieces to where they used to belong until I realize there is another where our memories used to be honored. I fell through the tungsten lights as they got dimmer to where my purgatory was to begin. To repent for giving everything to one singular person was my sin. I left who I was and I became devoid of love as I always do. To wait for help is a fool's dream but it's even a bigger fool's choice to let self pity swallow me where I stand until I slowy descend into madness. Putting the remaining pride I had into myself, these hands began to move for themselves as if through the pressure , it created something unbreakable, unrelenting, unnerving. This became my solo journey to what I've talked about my whole life but failed to even put into the world physically. It seems so long ago that pit seemed bottomless with no escape. I walk proud as if the world belongs to me but with caution

Model: .hime
Rope art .kinbaku

***ri ***ir

05/27/2020

Is it too much to ask for a new beginning or is this vine that I've been born on the only path that is open to me. Twirling and twisting just to survive in this garden that has fenced off every plant so they don't cross contaminate each other. Painted crimson by birth I struggle as I try to wash the color that has been given to me. Impossible as a berry growing from the sky , I question the integrity of destiny. Is everything set in stone or am I to forge myself into a new sprout even if I feel out of place as a snake in a room full of cats. How do I fight what fate is showing me. These days melt the little hope I can barely muster for a better life. As I almost succumb to the inevitable acceptance of defeat, I think to myself if I feel out of place, that means I am growing into a different path. The one I desire. For when the moment you feel comfortable and in place that's when you accept the life you have to run its course for the remainder of your short time here. So let me be a sphere in a garden fill of circles for I know I am almost there. A drastic change incomprehensible not just to everyone but to the me that exists today. Don't forget me even if become someone that feels different for the memories of me will always be a part of you and perhaps the journey will provide the connections we need when we cross again, wherever it might be , regardless if I'm in a entirely different garden all together. For my roots trace back to you

05/09/2020

Taken a back several paces, I've came to my wits end as if they were petals that were grown for the sole purpose of fluttering away by the wind. Foul as it seems , I've grown out of the seams that you've put me in as if I'm some sort of doll to you to perfect in the reality you think is proper for me. My mind was frailty when it came to questioning the miniscule actions you took blinded to the fact that I lost who I was in the process. Shrouded with nothing but contemporary guilt as I stand in this reflection staring at someone who I don't recognize. Is it too late to bestow my inner battered soul with affection that is so desperately desired all these years? Let the nature of myself reclaim the salvageable fragments of who I wished to be once upon a time where stars were so bright that the darkness never did seem to be dauntless in the midst of the moonless night. I'm done swooning for pieces that are provided to keep me on a trail that leads to nowhere. Lead my eyes away from someone I've become so enamored with that I refused to see the bulgeoning assault on what they've done to the innocent dreams I had of romance. The end of this song is nearing as it is our last dance in this wicked series of a loop I fool heartedly trapped myself in. Drapped in moss I throw out the notion of surviving in the world of yours that means to keep me at bay in the shadows. As selfish it may seem, let someone be your victim as I was. Your hourglass runs ever so lightly counting down to when others will see you for who you are. Ill dump the barren wasteland that I had the burden of carrying all these years to create a crushing defeat that you will not be able to escape from. Let your sins show to the world you loved so much that you've dehydrated mine in the process

Model:
Assistant: .davis

Jayzakh Photography

01/31/2022

12/10/2021

10/21/2021

09/03/2021

07/26/2021

06/13/2021

02/27/2021

02/10/2021

01/06/2021

07/07/2020

05/27/2020

05/09/2020

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Business

Shortcuts

Share

Category