11/21/2022
I was totally and completely dreading yesterday - my 37th birthday - because it was the first birthday of my life without the person who brought me into this world. It’s such a weird feeling…and one I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to. Every year she would call me and sing a super cute custom happy birthday song, complete with verses full of thoughtful compliments and jokes (one year she managed to fit in how I taught her what a “taint” is hahaha). It stung without that, without her, without our inappropriate jokes and cackles. I miss her so much. I thought this birthday might sink me into my familiar birthday depression that I only fairly recently grew out of (as of my 30th!). BUT I didn’t let it take over and only really cried a few times and I’m proud of me for that.
Instead, I got dressed up, went for a walk around the block with my kid, and we made some art. My FIFTEEN YEAR OLD took these photos of me! I mean, I totally bossed him around with my vision and told him exactly what to do and edited everything, but he’s had a lifetime of me directing him and he fu***ng nailed it! I usually hate photos of myself (ironic as a photographer, I know) but I try to remember how much I would LOVE to have photos like these of my mom or my grandma and so I try to show up every now and then. And with birthday portraits being a tradition in our household (duh!), what better time to face myself than my bday? These are now some of my all-time faves, thanks to Tuck!
I feel absolutely beaten up from this past year - with the stress of my mom passing, the lack of sleep, and the busier-than-usual workload, I feel like I’ve aged a couple of decades overnight. I haven’t showed up here very much thanks to the chaos. But I’ve also stayed strong when I wanted to crumble and I’m still here. I’m ready to see what my next trip around the sun brings!✨💫🌞🖤