07/11/2024
saturday night i had a little menty b in the parking lot of weirs beach after this session. i sat and cried, and then i cried some more.
it has been a long few weeks, honestly, months, and i wasn’t prepared for facing something i literally have nightmares about but there i was -
holding a camera in my hand that wouldn’t function for the session i had scheduled. and not just any camera, the third canon camera i have had completely malfunction on me in 8 months.
“i’m here early, but i have a problem,” i told my client over the phone, choking back tears. “my camera won’t allow me to take a photo. i have friends local with canon cameras, but i’m not sure if you’d like to wait for the drop off to me.”
you see, back in october i bricked a 3k camera body during a session. i had a wonderful friend letting me use his camera of the same model as my main camera, with my secondary camera as back up, and then a month ago, his camera started recreating the issue mine had, albeit sporadically.
because of this for every wedding i’ve been renting cameras, and using what was once my main body as my main session camera (i never travel to weddings with less than 2-3 cameras because your girl is a professional and likes to be prepared.) and recently i returned my borrowed second to my friend, who is, a literal angel on earth.
sitting there, holding my only camera in my hand, i felt like the universe was sending me a sign, that it’s time to hang up my camera, finish out what’s on the books, and accept that maybe my time as a photographer has come to an end.
but maybe it was the universe reminding me that being a photographer is
who. i. am.
it is not the camera, it is my soul, it is my eye, it is my love for others, it is my gift to share, it is my mission. being YOUR photographer over the years has held me together on nights when everything in me said to give up - knowing i had that session next week, or that wedding next year, and had to keep going -
for you guys. i’m not sure you realize, that outside of my children, and my father, my clients have evolved into being my family.
bracing for the worst, i held my breath as my client said over the phone, “do you have an iphone?”
i laughed and cried, which turned into a snort cry i’m sure, and said “i do. i will give you the best iphone photoshoot you’ve ever had. are you sure?”
“we’re ready, let’s do it.” she said.
at first i felt like a fraud, honestly. the photography community can be mean and judgmental and there i was, a professional on the beach with an iphone after fifteen years in the industry - i was overwhelmed with feelings of failure.
but then i felt it. the way i instruct posing. the little details i pay attention to. the way i let kids be themselves, and get to know them as their comfort evolves on camera in front of me. my patience. my energy, my knowledge of light, composition, and most importantly my heart, poured into every photo i took on my iphone 15 pro max that as a single momma i’m still paying monthly installments on.
i am meant to be here, and even in my slowest months or my lowest moments, i will fight for this home i have created for myself with all of you, my family.
i remember how many times people have told me “well, i’m not really a photographer but i love to take pictures” and i’ve encouraged them to understand we are all artists no matter the medium - or whether your subject is your kids or your food or a tall glass of beer perfectly composed - art lives with us and dies with us.
i can rent the cameras, i can work with my insurance to figure out replacements of my camera bodies, but the process is long and i am in the midst of a busy season of shoots.
time is of the essence for me, right now.
i went into this experience feeling shame, and i’m coming out of it feeling humbled, and in touch with my roots.
if anyone finds it in their heart to help by either booking a session with me for the upcoming months, or donating towards the cost of rentals/replacements while i go through the process with my business insurance, i would be so tremendously grateful.
it takes everything in me to not hide what i’m going through, as this was the worst time financially and with session demands for this camera to decide it is on its way out as well.
but then there is the part of me that has hope. the part of me that looked at these photos, and said, “my work as a photographer in new england isn’t done yet.”
if you feel inclined to help, i’ve dropped the links below for donations, and if you’d like to book a session for the future, my business line is always open @ 857-242-6835. camera rentals will run me $100-200 a week depending, which isn’t feesable long term but is the short term solution until i can get my gear replaced. that being said, any little bit helps.
heck, maybe i’ll do some iphone minis. 🤔😅😉
just kidding, sort of.
love you guys, and if you read this all, thanks for bearing with my wordy-girl-ness.
and please remember,
it’s not the brush that makes you the artist,
whatever it is you do. it’s your heart.
𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖑
Sage and Sonder Studio Co.
cash app : $chantelmarilyn
venmo :
