03/27/2024
One of the greatest results of working on myself has been the change in relationship with my girls. As a parent, it’s so hard to not lose yourself in all the emotions flying all over the place, especially when Middle School comes around!!
When my daughters used to come home upset, it would take over my mind and body. All I wanted was try to fix it, which wasn’t what they needed. I can feel them pushing me away anytime I do this. After doing some inner work, I realized a big part of this was that I couldn’t bear the pain of those feelings myself. I had to learn to be with and feel the uncomfortable feelings.
Feelings and emotions are messages, they’re not “bad”. But most of us have been conditioned to push them down, to not to be so emotional etc. Eventually I started to allow myself to feel whatever came up, without letting it take over. And that has been a game changer.
I would notice the emotion and ask myself if it was mine or if I was taking on their stuff as my own. It’s often our own stuff coming back up to be dealt with. I had to feel it. And once I did this, I could finally start to separate my daughters emotions from my own. This is sooo hard as a mom that’s suffered with anxiety and people pleasing, that just wants to make everything ok.
Our kids need the space to express their feelings without worrying how it will make us feel. They don’t necessarily want solutions, they want to be heard. As someone that loves to fix and give advice, learning to keep my mouth shut in these moments has been so difficult, but so worth it.
Allowing our kids to make mistakes, to feel hurt, rejection, etc. is part of life. And by showing them that we’re ok, because we know they’ll be ok, we show them that we believe in them. That we believe they can handle whatever comes their way.
Learning to manage our emotions and let go of control, helps our kids to do the same.
We can ask them questions to help guide them to find the answers themselves, to help them see that as long as they stay true to themselves and learn from their mistakes, they’ll thrive. I believe this helps them gain the self trust needed throughout life. And it gives them a safe space in you.
❤️