09/24/2020
Paint By The Numbers-
Much like summer wildflowers in the mountains, it seems that me posting is a seasonal phenomenon. I have great admiration for those of you who have found consistency in any of your pursuits: posting, exercise, diet, communication, love, life. The truth is that I binge nearly everything I do (except bureaucratic paperwork...i avoid that like the plague).
My recent pattern as it pertains to photography is to travel and shoot for months, excercise/hike obsessively, edit nothing, talk to no one, do very little business-related work and watch too much downloaded bs when I am (rightfully) exhausted after a long day. In stage 2, I return home from traveling and edit photos in a cave day and night, ignoring all of my other worldly responsibilities including fam/friends, my body and taking any new pictures.
Every once in a while I'll pop out and have a month or so where I'm extremely engaged and business focused. In these times I remember how rewarding human connection and feeling appreciated/seen can be. Nevertheless, soon enough I return to my ways because I don't have energy for everything at 100% all at once, or the focus and discipline to switch between tasks and create balance at less than 100% in most areas. To me this feels passionless, half-hearted.
I know my way is not the best way, but I love my current obsessions and the mastery I feel when I focus on only one area of my life at a time. I played basketball this way until my knees and ankles were destroyed and I could no longer take pride in my game. I love and talk to people this way, deeply and inquisitively, until I feel I have heard and shared everything that there is for the time being, then, I disappear to create new stories and talking points.
I know from a lot of kinds of feedback; personal, financial, algorithmic or otherwise, that the world at large does not support this way of life. I am working to adapt and find better ways of striking a balance. I am improving, but I wanted to share this explanation as a form of apology, and an as invitation for others to share their own stories about finding or not finding balance. I am especially interested in if others feel that responsible task management feels inherently dispassionate and how they deal with that.
Love and respect until next time....in the year 2039! 😉