09/01/2026
I don’t talk much about being sick.
When I do, it’s usually just a quick update or a few words because honestly… I don’t always know how to put everything I’m feeling into words.
But today, I’m exhausted.
Not just physically exhausted. I’m emotionally drained. Mentally drained. Completely and utterly tired.
Every week seems to bring another dose of medication, another attempt to get the fluid out of different parts of my body, and so far… it isn’t helping the way we hoped it would.
And one of the hardest parts is what this medication is doing to me.
I’m nauseous constantly. I’m throwing up. My stomach is a complete mess. I’m tired all the time. I’ve lost weight because I can barely keep things down. I’m officially 15 pounds down since finding out I have cancer.
And while I know there are bigger things happening inside my body, watching my body change so quickly has made me incredibly self-conscious. Some days I barely recognize myself.
Emotionally, I’m struggling more than I let people see.
I don’t feel like a good mother.
I don’t feel like a good partner.
I feel like I’m constantly pushing people away. Like I’m self-sabotaging my relationships with the people I love most, even when that’s the last thing I actually want to do.
And that realization hurts.
I’ve cried more than I can even explain. I’ve had moments where I just completely break down because I don’t know how to cope with all of this.
I’m trying to be strong.
I’m trying to keep showing up.
I’m trying to be a mom, a partner, a friend, a business owner, and still somehow recognize myself through all of this.
But the truth is… I’m tired.
So incredibly tired.
I don’t need anyone to fix this for me. I don’t need sympathy or pity. I think I just need people to understand that if I’ve been distant, quiet, emotional, or not myself lately… this is why.
I’m fighting a battle that most people can’t see.
And some days, just getting through the day is the biggest thing I can accomplish.
I’m still here. I’m still fighting. I’m still trying.
But today, I’m allowing myself to admit that I’m not okay. And maybe I don’t have to be okay every single day. ❤️