10/16/2021
One decision… 1461 times!
It’s astonishing how much change can come from making one truly important decision. 4 years ago, I recognized I did not have a positive relationship with alcohol, so I decided to quit. Over the past several years I have documented & shared many of the “why’s” and “how’s,” but this year as I take time to recognize, respect, and celebrate this decision, my focus goes a little deeper. You always hear… consistency is key. Well, this is a perfect example of that in action. Each day for the past 1,461 days, whether consciously or not, I’ve made the decision not to drink. This is not to say it has been all kittens and rainbows, but then again… I wouldn’t be where I’m at on this journey if it had been. My life is almost unrecognizable to where I was 4 years ago. Most days, the idea of alcohol or addiction don’t enter my mind. This is where my beliefs and behaviors vary greatly from many of the “anonymous” style programs. I prefer “I don’t drink” or “I’m alcohol free” over “once an addict, always and addict,” or “i’m an alcoholic.” I don’t feel like bringing those negative thoughts and labels into my life on a daily basis give me power… quite honestly, it’s the opposite! These labels don’t allow much space for progress and positivity, and isn’t that what this is all about? While I regularly recognize my short comings with alcohol, I don’t make it my identity. This just happens to be what works for me.
This past year I have seen and done a lot of amazing things: turned 46, bought a house in Colorado Springs, started training as a professional Forex trader, ran my first 50k (31 mile) trail race (and came in 5th in my age group!) and followed it up a few months later with a self imposed/ designed 50 mile run. I’m proud of all these accomplishments, and I’m thankful for the strength and ability to do so. I know none of this would have been possible without making the drastic change 4 years ago.
We all have that thing that eludes us, stealing our power. Regardless of whether it’s alcohol, drugs, unhealthy food, gambling, social media, caffeine, p**n, etc., it seems to help at the time, to numb the pain, quiet the noise, stop the struggle… even if only for a minute or two. Spoiler alert… it doesn’t work! This simply pushes pause in the timeline, sedation won’t solve whatever it is that brought you to this point. Everything will be right where you left it when you return, maybe even a little worse!
As wonderful as the physical accomplishments/ benefits of sobriety have been, It has been the things that I can’t take a progress picture of or the ones with a finish line that have moved me the farthest forward. This year’s focus has centered on the deep, dark parts… the places where most don’t like to go, but the most growth is possible. Truth, love, suffering, authenticity, etc. Going towards the tough stuff, the difficult places I used to avoid, digging in to the suffering, embracing it, and learning from it, so as not to repeat it. (I know… very Buddha-like!)
There’s a phrase that I think I heard from Jesse Itzler: “you didn’t come this far, to only come this far” - this has become somewhat of a mantra for me. It really resonates with me… whether it’s long runs in the mountains or trying to learn new and challenging business skills. I have been able to find great strength and confidence in my accomplishments, but that’s not where this story ends. It has expanded what I see as possible. Now I ask myself:
- If I can run 50 miles… what else can I do? Where else in my life can I “run” 50 miles… as a father, a husband, a provider, a person?
- If I can become alcohol free… what else can accomplish?
It makes it significantly easier to push through the hard stuff, when you know you have done it before, and benefitted greatly from it. What’s on the other side of this? What lessons are to be learned, what doors will open?
On the flip side, what if I don’t? What if I didn’t make this change? How many amazing things would I have missed out on? Would I have have been happy? Would I have been satisfied?
There’s a wonderful synchronicity and flow to life, if you will allow it… It’s amazing what your life can be and where it can take you, when you simply get out of your own way.
I will still continue to enjoy my time on trails and in the mountains, but in the short run, I will focus less on my 50k times, body weight, and muscular makeup and more on becoming a better dad, a better husband, a better provider, a better person.
If there is something that you are putting off, a decision that you are afraid to make… what are you waiting for? Take control today… skip that nightly cocktail, make a healthy meal for dinner, have that conversation with your kids that you’ve been meaning to have, read that book that’s been sitting there since January, go for that run, walk, or bike ride. Take a step today.
You’ll never know how that one decision may change your future… if you don’t make it!!
A sincere, heartfelt thank you to Carrie and Daniel, I can not thank you enough for your love, support, patience, and the occasional kick in the ass! I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it without you. Thank you!
If you or someone you know is struggling with a difficult decision, feel free to private message or email me at: [email protected] - I’m happy to talk, share, discuss my experience openly and honestly with anyone. Here’s to another amazing year of learning, growth, and adventure.
Make it wonderful day,
Todd
