Hannah Alyse Photography

10/29/2023

Loosing a child is this unexplainable pain, watching your other children loose a sibling is sobering… knowing that I can’t shield them from this pain, that the ONLY thing I can do is turn to Jesus and model a healthy way of healing and be here for them.
Charlie is so so smart and it has been honestly incredible to watch her process and grieve but yet have such hope and joy at the same time.
There have been so many hard conversations, so so many questions and I thank God every single day for giving us the opportunity to talk it over with her and shine his light.
If you ever talk to char it’s likely she will bring something up about Ellie for example “oh that’s my sister’s favorite color, the sister that died” “my baby sister Ellie was walking, she died but she loved to climb on everything” “it’s ok mom, I know your sad.. it’s because of Ellie right? We miss her but it will be ok” my heart skips each and every time she talks about her… knowing that she will remember all of it and feel all of it, but to hear how her heart and brain process is incredible…
I can’t bring myself to make new mom friends because I know the question of how many kids I have will come up and I’ll have to bear my truth or skip pasted it a pretend like it didn’t happen, and both of this opinions are honestly just terrible… but Charlie? She lives her life and brings her grief right along side, if it comes up she embraces it and then moves on. It’s like this perfect balance that I wish I could learn. I am so so proud of her.

Scar has blossomed in ways I can’t even explain. She started talking the day after the accident, She is still struggling with communicating and that is frustrating for her but she has come such a long way.. I never imagined Scarlett’s life without Ellie by her side.. it is so hard to reimagine what I thought our life would look like.. scar will pick out a baby or a toddler Ellie’s size from across the playground, and there is NOTHING that will get her focus away.. it’s so hard to watch because I know she is trying to figure it all out in her head and I hope that she feels the love and comfort from her baby sis even if she won’t remember her.

10/25/2023

8 years ❤️ love you babe, thanks for always being by my side. We make a good team, a team that fights lot 😂 but a good team. Idk what I would have done without you this last year. Thank you for leading our family on a path of healing.

10/22/2023

Lord, I come to you tonight praying for this next season of life. I ask that you would guide me and use my pain to glorify you lord, in my home and beyond. I pray that it would mold me and shape me into a comforting and safe place for my girls, that we would create a home filled with your love, light and joy.
I am reminded time and time again over the last 4 months that you are my Shepard, you will walk with me through this… we are not walking around the pain, but through it. Letting it shape us. You are my rock… my firm foundation, without you i simply would not be standing lord. You are my redeemer, my only chance at redemption lord. On my own I will fail, get up and fail again.. but with you I will fail, and YOU will help me up lord. Holding me in your arms and showing me the way back to you.
Thank you for the joy, for Scarlett’s gosh dang smile that lights up the room. Thank you for the convictions you lay on my heart, that show me where I need to grow. Thank you for the most amazing and supportive parter I could have ever asked for, the smartest most intuitive little 6yr old. Thank you for your faithfulness. In your name I pray lord.
Ps, please give El a big hug.. she loves to be carried around and snuggled. But you already know that ❤️

10/17/2023

🍂New season of life, new place to call home🏡

❤️The Goodale’s have Moved to Missouri🙌

A lot of you already know this, we definitely have not kept it a secret but I just wasn’t ready to share here on social yet… we have officially been in MO for one month and we are loving it.
Our goal over the next year is to save up and find the right property for us then build our homestead ❤️❤️ I would love to share that journey with you all.
Adam and I have been praying over this decision for years and even took a scouting trip back in February, we knew where we wanted to be just not how to get here… when Ellie went to heaven we where given the opportunity to rely look at our life and what we wanted for our family, God said go and he opened every door to make it happen.
The smiles you see in this photo are real, a weekend spent with Adam’s brother who is now only 2 hrs away❤️ the pain that I feel every time I think about how much fun Ellie would be having in our new place or how much I wanted to teach her to ride a horse, or when I wish she could have gone fishing with her daddy, uncle and sisters this weekend is also just a real.

10/15/2023

My last photo of you, and my last photo with you. I’m so glad I have these photos sweet girl. You continue to shine the same joyful light in my heart that you did while you where here ❤️

10/15/2023

It is beyond hard to feel that tinge of pain every time I look at a photo, my heart instantly knows she’s missing. My brain try’s to figure out where she is and when it dose my heart breaks again… then, something eles happens… I keep breathing, my brain keeps going and I look at that same photo again and see everything I missed the first time, I see the healing, the laughter, the real true moments of joy… it dose not take away the pain or confusion of her missing from that moment but God is so so good and he is helping me find joy. He is helping me be a healthy and safe place for my girls to find comfort, And he is helping us heal ❤️
The friends that he has surrounded us with are the biggest moments of joy.. the girls and I just got to spend a week in TX, first with mama attending a conference that has always spread light in her life and then ending with the best sleepover at the Creager house ❤️❤️ I got all my baby Rylee cuddles in and we got to hang out with some rely amazing friends ❤️

09/30/2023

Mark 5:34
34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

09/26/2023

Adam took the girls out today so I could clean the house, he just sent this to me and my heart melted… #1 they NEVER smile like that for me or sit so sweetly 😂 and I’m a photographer 🤦‍♀️ #2 I’m at the stage where I can look at a photo of just two girls and feel neutral not like my heart is splitting in two, I’m definitely still sad but I’m happy that they get to keep moving, that Adam and I are working so hard to help them heal and process and still grow up in a loving home. I’m blessed to that God gave me a best friend to do life with, he is seriously the best dad a girl could ask for. I’m so proud of the man he is and how he loves on all of us girls. God hasn’t given either of us the easiest road to walk, but I’m glad I get to do it with him..
I’m still not able to look at a photo of the 4 of us, I’m making myself take them.. but I can’t look at them yet. One day though

09/24/2023

09/24/2023

We have had some major life changes that I’m not totally ready to share on here yet but I want to have these memories on my feed. What you don’t see behind the smiles are the very hard conversations, the tears.. the questions about God and why did he take Ellie, you don’t see Scarlet staring at every baby we see in public that is around Ellie’s size. The trying to explain cremation to a 6 year old or the big hug I get every time she notices I’m sad❤️❤️❤️
Along with these memories I want to remember the words that God has been whispering into my life over the last 3 months..
“I am your Shepard, your redeemer and your solid ground. I will walk with you through this, guiding you through and not around the pain. I am your protection, your shelter from this storm.” “I am enough Hannah, find your comfort here with me, trust me to protect your family and fill in the gaps while you heal”
I have been working my way through the books and devotional that where given to me at Ellie’s service and the lord is speaking loudly to my heart through them. I am grateful I had established a routine of morning prayer and reading before all of this happened because it feels like meeting a old friend in a season where everything is new.
One of my favorites has been “in the hands of a fiercely tender God” by colleen Chao she said “Joy is given, sorrow is lent… it is lent to us for a little while so that we may use it for eternal purposes then it will be taken away and everlasting joy will be our fathers gift to us, the lord God will wipe away all tears from all of our faces (isa. 25:8)” in her chapter about sorrow. And “to suffer is to wrestle, to ask hard questions to wonder how pain and blessing can coexists.”

Hebrew 3:17-18 talks about how in a time that the trees don’t produce and there is nothing on the vines, the crop is failing and the animals are disappearing, Paul says “yet I will celebrate in the lord and I will rejoice in the God of my salvation”
I want Ellie here, in my arms I am sad and I am angry… I’m hurt and confused, YET I will celibate and rejoice in my lord, if I have him I have everything.
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